Last night I dreamed Dean was weeding the yard at our old house. Danny Foelber rode by on his bike without even stopping. When I ran him down to ask why, he told me he was heading over to his new friend’s house. Well, it doesn’t take a psychologist to read much into that dream…….out with the old, in with the new. And so it goes.

For the last ten years, we’ve been the comfortable insiders. Through Poe-co Dean befriended the best group of kids anyone could hope for….and Duane and I an unforgettable group of parents. Erin never let me forget when I said, “I bet everyone at this park wishes they were with us” as we laughed and talked with the remarkable group of women and children that made up our playgroup. Forgive my smugness, but I meant it; I felt blessed to be a part of so many lives.

I can’t say I took these friendships for granted, what I can say is that I had little empathy for the outsider. Our lives were full, I didn’t open it up for more – I didn’t want to give up the space. Sure I was friendly to a new person, but I never said, “Hey come on over for dinner.” I had no idea how difficult it might be to infiltrate a circle of friends. How something as little as making a phone call could make one feel so vulnerable. But, now I am the outsider and I have gained much empathy.

Really, I am okay with my solitude; I was ready for the quiet. As a mother, I worry a bit about Dean. I wouldn’t say he is unhappy and as I said before, school is fantastic. Within that context, he is doing great. He plays soccer everyday, chats with mates. It's all good.

We just haven’t mastered that next hurdle, the having friends over - playdates and such. In Houston, all those systems were readily in place, and much of it was handled by me. So I ask myself, should I make the call and invite someone over? What are the “rules” in NZ? And, as I contemplate inviting a new friend over, I labor over the when, the how. Finally, what if this person doesn’t have room for new lives…..WHAT IF WE’RE REJECTED! Yikes!!!

Isn’t that a lot of what it comes down into life? In happiness? We humans seek validation and friendship. We want to love and, perhaps even more so, we want to be loved. And, we are scared to death of rejection. Here in our new world I find myself outside the comfort zone. Everyday I am beckoned to leave my safety net. I seek what we had in spades before and I am primed for failure. It scares me.

Oh, what the heck, I’ll just make the call